Four little words to help you lose weight

America and the affluent parts of the world are obsessed with losing weight. Everyone from Dr. Phil and his son to Dr. Atkins is getting in on the bonanza.

I get scores of e-mails daily, many promising to make parts of my anatomy larger. Ironically, my other e-mail promises to make the rest of me smaller. There’s a nominal fee, of course.

Losing weight, it turns out, is one of the few things I’m good at. Because I like you so much I’m going to reveal my secret — free with an unconditional guarantee!

Have pen and paper ready. You need only memorize four words to begin changing your life.

Last time I weighed, I tipped the scales at 148 pounds. I’m six feet tall. By anyone’s measure, that’s pretty skinny.

How do I do it?

Start by having a heart attack, which I did on Sept. 28. This is important to establish the right frame of mind for losing weight.

Your doctors will tell you what to eat to keep your arteries free of plaque, and the same diet will cause most people to lose weight quickly. Here’s how it goes:

Breakfast consists of a cup of non-fat yogurt with fruit, usually blueberries, strawberries and, in season, raspberries. I also toss in almond slivers or a few pecans.

Lunch is a six-inch roast chicken Subway sandwich on wheat — hold the mayo — with spicy mustard, lettuce, pickles, peppers and a Diet Coke.

Supper starts with salad — just greens, tomatoes, maybe a carrot or two. No dressing. Ask for some lemon wedges and plain balsamic vinegar. Add a piece of grilled fish. Be specific — the fish should be grilled dry. No butter, no cheese, no white wine sauce.

Here’s what to avoid: fat, sugar, salt, all desserts, anything white, most breads, red meat, all dairy products with the exception of skim milk and non-fat yogurt, all chocolate except for very dark chocolate with a high cocoa content (in small amounts). Rule of thumb — if it tastes good, spit it out.

You may have all you want of the following healthful items: Tabasco Sauce and water.

You can drink some wine, but not much, and you should swear off the hard stuff altogether. You can drink coffee, but not much, and don’t put sugar or cream in it (I go for Splenda and skim milk).

It’s OK to eat the following as snacks: nothing.

That’s the diet for the first day. Eat the same thing the second day. Eat the same thing the next day. Eat the same thing the next day. Eat the same thing the next day. Eat the same thing the day before you die. Eat the same thing the day you die.

Prepare to grow just a wee bit tired of ordering your food this way. Explicitly telling waiters what you want over and over, day after day (forever!) is about as painful as eating what they bring you.

One more thing — You must engage in vigorous cardiovascular exercise four to six hours a week. If you don’t break a sweat, you’re not trying.

Got your pen and paper? Here are the four words you need to remember: “Eat less, exercise more.”

It’s very simple. You’ll lose weight and probably will live to be 120. It surely will seem that way.

Dolph Tillotson is president and publisher of The Daily News.